I woke up one night choking, wheezing, water streaming from my eyes, down my cheeks.
I scrambled to the bathroom andÂ instinctivelyÂ placed a wet towel over my face. After 25Â minutes, my airways opened up. Two days later, I saw a doctor who told me that my indoor allergies have gotten worse. I took to my room, emptied it, cleaned the carpet, dusted, got an air purifier, but to no avail. For the next few weeks I was unable to sit in my own room without coughing and wheezing. After eliminating other factors, there was one left: Mold. I live in an old house, and a water leak had been forming at the window frame next to my bed. I asked my landlord if he could check and have the mold removed.
He said, in so many words, that he had already spent enough money on our apartment complex, and if my allergies were that bad, I could be let out of my lease (Sidenote: In the great state of PA, property owners are not required to remove mold).
The idea of looking for another apartment made my head spin. In the past three years, I have moved about four times. I can’t, I thought. I can’t move my stuff again. I can’t go on another wildÂ CraigslistÂ chase, looking at apartments with extremely misleading pictures, peopleÂ renting out overpriced closets, or renting out living rooms as bedrooms. At my core, moving made me feel unstable, transient. I didn’t want to goÂ thoughtÂ that again.
Then it hit me: What am I blocking? Your landlord is letting you out of your lease with no penalty, and you can find a place that is a better fit for you. Something with more space, something newer and better constructed, and above all, won’t make you sick.
So, I took a deep breath and said, Â “I am allowing my ideal space to come in. I am allowing the best place for me to come in, and I’m allowing the conditions I will need to get this space, to come in.”
“Don’t block your blessings.”
When I’ve heard this phrase in the past, it was said in relation to not seeking revenge for someone who’s wronged you, or doing something unethical to satisfy an immediate need. But there’s another, moreÂ pervasiveÂ way that we blocked our blessings on a regular basis.
When I started learning about the Law of Attraction, I started reading “Ask and It Is Given” by Abraham-Hicks (Esther and Jerry Hicks). I liked the idea of putting clear intention and focus on your goals, and affirming that those things are in the present. One part of the teachings that I didn’t fully buy, however, was the idea of “allowing.” “Allowing” is the belief that good surrounds us all the time, that our lives are suppose to be rich and joyful, but we block those things from coming into our lives.
Block? I thought. I’m not blocking anything. I have to actively work for everything I want, how can I beÂ metaphysicallyÂ shutting the door to it at the same time? However, I caught myself doing just that, when I learned that I might have to move again.
I’m still looking, but with a different outlook. Since this started, the landlord removed the source of the leak, I got a bigger air purifier, and I was able to sleep in my room for five hours the other night before I woke up coughing.
The point is, be very mindful when you start saying “I can’t” to yourself. Instead of resisting the change, open up and ask: “What am I allowing at this moment?”